


The Fantastic Tale of Oreo and the Garbage Man

by FullmetalDude1



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Comedic Threats, Crack, First Crack, Gay Disaster Shiro (Voltron), Happy Ending, He just wants to get the stinky man with pretty eyes cleaned up, Hope you enjoy this shit and you can blame all of it on Jordan, Kink Shaming, Like stupid bad, M/M, Misunderstandings, bad hygiene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-14 01:26:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15377652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FullmetalDude1/pseuds/FullmetalDude1
Summary: What if Shiro's first meeting with Keith wasn't at his school for recruitment, but rather...Behind a dinner, with Keith covered head to toe in trash?Also, Adam's not here because fuck that hoe.





	The Fantastic Tale of Oreo and the Garbage Man

**Author's Note:**

  * For [actualpidgey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/actualpidgey/gifts).



One fine day, the Golden Boy of the Galaxy Garrison, Takashi Shirogane, was just strolling along, past a restaurant or something, minding his own business-

WHEN SUDDENLY!

He hears a strange noise down an ally. Shiro (as his friends call him) our brave hero, thinking someone might be in trouble, dashes down the alley, calling out and offering his help-

"Hello, is anyone here?" He cries, looking around cautiously, "I won't hurt you, I promise. I'm here to help!"

Then, out of one of the giant garbage bins with wheels to get them to the garbage truck, a voice calls, "No one's here!"

Shiro shrieks in shock, not thinking anything but a cat would actually be here, then calms himself, "Strange, because I'm pretty sure I hear a human voice."

"Nope, I'm just your local garbage monster!" The voice continues, "Get out now, before I bring you in here with me!"

Shiro laughs and goes to open it, "Come now, I'm sure being around you isn't that horrible-"

Out of the garbage bin springs the most beautiful and disgusting man he has ever seen! 

Raven hair, cream skin, the softest purple eyes he's ever seen. Covered in rotting egg, a banana peel on his head, plus a few other bits of every day garbage. I won’t describe it in anymore detail, so decide for yourself just how gross this man is.

The man hisses, "Now that you know I exist, you shall be punished for disturbing my lare!"

Shiro, utterly entranced by the beauty hidden under the filth, falls to his knees, "Step on me, please."

Freeze frame, record scratch.

Cricket noises.

The man looks at him oddly, "What the fuck kinda kinks are you into to want me to step on you?"

Shiro turns red from his ears to his toes, screams in a moment of gay disaster, "NONE, I'M JUST INTO GRITTY MEN and uhhh... You look.... very gritty."

The man groans, "Of all the people who had to come to my patch of town, it had to be someone who'd think I'm hot instead of scary while like this."

"I don't!" Shiro whimpers, "I mean, I uhhh.... You're very-"

"Disgusting?" The man laughs like an evil lunatic, "Good. It's supposed to keep people away from me, stupid. Now, run along and go pet a cat or something and leave me to find a decent meal."

Shiro looks around the corner where a dinner is, "Can't you just-"

"Do I look like I got money, Oreo?" The man gives him a side eye.

Shiro flushes even more, "No, but uhhh, if you want, I could get you something?"

The man gapes at him, "Are you trying to convince me to kiss you like this or something with payment? Because nope, nadah, not gonna happen."

Shiro whimpers, "I swear I'm not, I just think you have really pretty eyes and I wanna see if the rest of you is pretty, too. I mean, I'm sure it is and all-"

The man raises an eyebrow at him.

Shiro groans and with his face as red as Mars, he murmurs, "Can I please take you on a date? One that involves getting you clean, a decent meal and maybe resolving this situation with proper communication?"

The man hums, then shrugs, "Okay. But if you try anything funny, I always keep a rusty knife on me."

Shiro chuckles nervously, "That's fair."

And then Shiro convinced the man to get a shower and wear some of his nice clothes, revealing he was a true beauty under the horrid stink of 2 week old Chinese food all along. They have their date, their nice dinner, resolved that no, Shiro was not into garbage men, but he felt very blessed to have gotten to meet the man under the stink now, who was in fact named Keith.

They kiss, blablabla and they all lived Happily Ever After. The End.


End file.
